Awesome Possum

He's found my control panel!

Two reviews in one day.  They call me mister glass.  They also call me mister reviews twice in one day guy.  I don't really know why.

Here's a really old and really bad game to review.  Gravity Zombie (or Mummy, if he decides to go with the superior name) told me it's fun to review horrible games so I guess we'll find out.

Like in Sonic The Hedgehog, you control a land mammal - no, not a human - who goes around destroying robots.  You see, the evil Dr. Machino made these robots.  With them he plans on destroying the environment for...some reason.  On your way to murder him you'll also collect recyclable materials, spin jump off of bongo drums, ride a bee, and other stupid crap. 

Like in Sonic The Hedgehog, Awesome Possum's main attribute is his speed.  Running down slopes makes him go faster faster fasterfasterfaster, as does hitting a non-vertical bongo drum.  Keep up this momentum and you can clear a level in not very many seconds at all.  Don't and you're playing the most sluggish platformer ever made by anyone.  He moves like he's knee deep in honey and his jump takes several frames to clear the ground.  Really the entire game just kind of plays like it went through zero quality assurance, which is unfortunate.  Why?  I don't know, the world doesn't need as many bad games as it has, that's why.

Awesome Possum being an idiot.

 Like in Sonic The Hedgehog, each level has you zooming to the right until you hit the goal.  Each act or level or whatever the hell this game calls them ends with a boss fight.  Beat levels, destroy bosses, and eventually you'll meet up with Dr. Machino.  You then kick his butt and all the forest creatures are safe forever.  It's not particularly unique, although at the time there wasn't a whole lot you could do.  Blast processing can only take you so far.  This game does not use any blast processing at all.

The graphics are also not good.  I mean, the splash screens and whatnot are actually pretty nice, but ingame it looks almost unfinished.  Awesome Possum has like two frames for each animation and so does everything else.  Visually the game is not particularly appealing, with levels mostly being two different colors smeared around to create a world.  The first level is particularly unpleasant as the platforms are made of tree canopies.  Problem is, it's impossible to tell where the solid part is, so you'll frequently find yourself falling through platforms.  Not that it matters because this game is incredibly easy, being an edutainment game and all.  Game overs aren't going to teach your kid to recycle.  Or how a honeybee communicates.

Look how happy I've made them.

There is one good thing I can say about this game, and that's the voice acting.  It has a hell of a lot of it.  It even has a theme song with lyrics!  It's like four measures long, but still.  All through the game Mr. Possum will be constantly commenting on everything he does to the point where it gets incredibly annoying.  It then goes past that point where it's so annoying it's funny.  Hit a bongo?  "Wow, that was incredible!  I'm so cool!  Yahoo!".  Got a powerup?  "Now I can really jump!".  Got hurt? "Hey, watch it!".  And so on, forever.  You can turn it off but I don't know why you would.  Play it loud in stereo, dude.

The quality of the audio and of the intro screens/animal tribunal quiz screens/other non-gameplay screens is very high, probably because they had plenty of space on account of the game being one second long and nightmarishly hideous while you're actually playing it.  That's really all I can praise it for, though.  I had this game as a very young child and I beat it.  I remember everything.  You start off in the forest, eventually you go underwater - yes, there is an entire zone where you swim around - at some point, some other crap happens, and you end up in the mecha fortress of Dr. Machino.  The last area is pretty neat, but it's not worth playing the entire game to see it.

This game is not worth any of your dollars.  It might be fun to play for a few minutes just to hear Awesome's bullshit he spews nonstop, but there are better games to play and easier ways to get your kids to recycle.  Hell, even Sonic is all about saving the environment from a robo-mastermind.  Play that.

You're not so awesome.