Steam Extravaganza

Like a novel but not.

It's that time of year again.  Sly Ghost and maybe Gravity Zombie are back and we're gonna cram some content into this place before we disappear for several months.  But this time I'm not just delivering ordinary content.  Oh no.  This content is special.  You see, I'm going to write a short review of every game on my Steam account.  All 248 of them.  Yes, it's a lot, but it's also nearly a decade of games, mostly on sale.  That's the magic of Steam.

After each review I'll write what I think the game would be worth.  This is a total opinion and the game may be much less or much more.  If it's less, consider buying it.  I may also just write "no", which means I wouldn't pay money for this game in 2015.  Some games don't age well, like a fine wine that's been left open in a sewer.

Also, it's in semi-alphabetical order because I have some games put into categories and I don't feel like going through the arduous hell of undoing it.  So there you go.

LET'S LOCK N' LOAD

10,000,000
Puzzle Quest meets...nothing.  It's Puzzle Quest but shorter and cheaper.
Recommend: $5

Angry Video Game Nerd Adventures
Mega Man but stupid.  Hard as you want it to be.
Recommend: $5

Arx Fatalis
Limited-scope Morrowind but clunkier.  Has some really neat ideas.
Recommend: No

Awesomenauts
It's a moba, but it's side scrolling!  It's also very simple.
Recommend: $10

Bastion
Made waves when it came out.  Still good, just not as much.
Recommend: $10

The Binding of Isaac
Has since been made obsolete by the remake which is better in almost every way.
Recommend: No

BioShock Infinite
Decent gameplay, memorable albeit stupid story, great graphics.  Everyone knows this game.
Recommend: $25

Cave Story+
Mega Man but it's non-linear, kind of.  Available in a billion incarnations.
Recommend: $15

Counter-Strike: Global Offensive
It's like Source only better.
Recommend: $15

Dark Messiah of Might & Magic
Surprisingly good.  Has a lot of uniquity without being overbearing.
Recommend: $15

Dark Souls: Prepare to Die Edition
I really can't recommend this game now that 2 is out.  It used to stand out, now it's just the Super Mario Bros of its kind.
Recommend: No

Dead Space 2
The best Dead Space.  Like horror and space?  And dead?  Then etc.
Recommend: $20

Deus Ex: Human Revolution
I NEVER ASKED FOR THIS HAHAHAHAHA.  Good mix of FPS and RPG, plus it's all futuristic.
Recommend: $25

Dungeon Siege III
Nothing remarkable.  Playable, fun, but you won't adore it.
Recommend: $5

Evoland
Really cool idea.  Gets kind of slow at parts though.
Recommend: $10

Fallout: New Vegas
Fallout 3 but better.  Very few things are wrong with this game.  Except the bugs.
Recommend: $20

Far Cry 3
The best Far Cry, even if you do play as a frat bro who acquires sick tats to power up.
Recommend: $25

From Dust
I had such hopes for you, From Dust.  But now [Dust in the Wind reference]
Recommend: No

Garry's Mod
If you've never played it, you absolutely must.  It's still the #1 physics sandbox game, somehow.
Recommend: $20

Gateways
Like Portal, only 2d, retro, and much more brain...using.
Recommend: $10

Half Minute Hero: Super Mega Neo Climax Ultimate Boy
Very quickly boils down to memorizing where to go via trial and error.  Could have been great.  Maybe 2 is.
Recommend: No

Hitman: Absolution
The story is kind of dumb and it's like a parody of its own series, but it's still one of the better stealth games out there.
Recommend: $20

Just Cause 2
One of my all time favorites.  It's Grand Theft Auto with infinitely more freedom.
Recommend: $30

Killing Floor
Loads of money.  I mean fun.  Harkens back to the days of mindless FPS games with no goals.  Only killing.
Recommend: $15

The Last Remnant
Honestly, I barely remember this game.  I remember liking it, but not enough to play for more than a couple hours.
Recommend: ?

Little Inferno
Anti-consumerism drilled through your skull and directly into your brain.  Ignore that part and it's a fun little gadget thing.
Recommend: $5

Metro 2033
Honestly, didn't appeal to me.  I don't know why everyone loved it.
Recommend: No

NyxQuest
I thought it was going to be a super cool physics puzzle platformer.  And it is.  But it's clumsy and too slow.
Recommend: No

Offspring Fling!
SNES memories combined with what sounds like the Final Fantasy Tactics soundtrack.
Recommend: $10

Orcs Must Die!
It's not bad, but it has a sequel, so why bother?
Recommend: No

Orcs Must Die! 2
Irreverent third person tower defense game with lots of traps.  Not my thing, but I recognize fun when I see it.
Recommend: $15

Peggle Deluxe
PEGGLE
Recommend: $15

Portal
It's Portal.  What do you want me to say?
Recommend: $15

Portal 2
Portal, only better.  Sometimes worse.  Usually not though.
Recommend: $20

Rayman Origins
I played the hell out of this game.  It just does everything right.
Recommend: $20

Recettear: An Item Shop's Tale
Good dialog, simple gameplay, okay anime graphics.  Very unique and fun.
Recommend: $15

Red Faction: Armageddon
Everyone hated it.  I think it's really fun, albeit bland as hell at some parts.
Recommend: $20

Red Faction: Guerrilla
One of the best games I've ever played.  Two sentences cannot contain my infinite joy.
Recommend: $30

Resident Evil 5
I beat it like 4 times because it's awesome.
Recommend: $30

Sanctum
Orcs Must Die but sci-fi and serious.  And old.
Recommend: $5

Singularity
They did a really awful job of porting this game, which is too bad because it has some good ideas.  Play it on console.
Recommend: No

Sleeping Dogs
GTA in China.  But, like, better.
Recommend: $20

Sonic The Hedgehog 4 Episode 1
Ugly-ass sprites, gross music, fun gameplay.  So close but so far.
Recommend: $5

Sonic The Hedgehog 4 Episode 2
Episode 1 but almost everything bad is fixed.  Still way too short.
Recommend: $10

Space Rangers 2: Reboot
Blew me away ten years ago.  It's a little weird, but really fun if you want a turn based space game.
Recommend: $10

SpaceChem
Weird puzzle game.  Gets annoyingly difficult eventually.  Slick visuals and music.
Recommend: $10

Super Meat Boy
Part of the "it's good because it's hard" plague.  Actually is fun for a while.
Recommend: $10

Swords and Soldiers HD
Got it in a Humble Bundle.  Barely played it.  Hey, I said I'd review EVERY game.  No exceptions!
Recommend: ?

Torchlight
More or less obsolete.
Recommend: No

Ultra Street Fighter IV
The definitive edition of SF4, I think.  If you're gonna buy SF4, buy this version.
Recommend: $25

VVVVVV
Very well made minus a few power trips the devs went on.  Buy it if you like a semi-fair challenge.
Recommend: $5

The Witcher 2: Assassins of Kings Enhanced Edition
I really don't get the fascination with these games.  I tried to like it and I just don't.
Recommend: No

XCOM: Enemy Unknown
If you like turn based strategy, play it on easy.  If you like flipping coins to see if you win, play it on normal.
Recommend: $20

Zen Bound 2
I don't really know what to say about this.  You wrap figurines in rope.  Because zen.
Recommend: No

3079 -- Block Action RPG
Looks like the crappiest game ever made, but there's a surprising amount of content there once you get past the amateurity of it.
Recommend: $10

Anomaly Warzone Earth
Like a tower defense but not.  Not my thing, but if you like tower defenses, you'll like this.
Recommend: $5

The Baconing
Torchlight but tries and fails to be funny.  Maybe you'll like it because you're an idiot.
Recommend: No

Company of Heroes (and its expansions)
Highest rated game of all time for a period.  Extremely unique RTS that shook up the genre.
Recommend: $15

Counter-Strike: Source
Now that Global Offensive is out, there's no reason to play this.
Recommend: No

Crysis 2 Maximum Edition
Very different from its predecessor.  That's good and bad.  It's definitely worth playing.
Recommend: $20

Dark Messiah of Might & Magic Multi-Player
The online mode of Dark Messiah.  I can't imagine anyone still plays it, and it was kind of eh to begin with.
Recommend: No

Dear Esther
GAMES ARE ART
Recommend: No

Defense Grid: The Awakening
The game that brought the tower defense into the commercial realm.  Really doesn't hold up seven years later.
Recommend: No

Demolition, Inc.
You're an alien who blows up cities by Rube Goldberging them.  Shoddily made but still entertaining.
Recommend: $5

Deus Ex: Invisible War
I don't care what everyone says.  I love you, Deus Ex 2.  But don't buy it because it doesn't run on modern hardware.
Recommend: $10 on an old computer

Divinity II - The Dragon Knight Saga
Fable but not.  Doesn't really have any one thing in particular going for it.  It's good, not great.
Recommend: $10

Doc Clock: The Toasted Sandwich of Time
Made in Flash and not very well.  Nothing about this game is good.
Recommend: No

Dota 2
It's Defense of the Ancients, only again.  Very little has changed.  League of Legends is better, and I hate League of Legends.
Recommend: No

EDGE
Pseudo-puzzle game with a minimalist pastiche and a minimal amount of fun.
Recommend: no

Frozen Synapse
It's like a turn based strategy only it's...not?  Indescribable in two sentences.
Recommend: No

FTL: Faster Than light
Fun like playing football against the Steelers.  You'll never win, but you might not...die?  I don't know.
Recommend: $10

Gunpoint
Really cool idea, great dialog, interesting setting.  Too short.
Recommend: $15

Half-Life
It's Half-Life.  It's very old.
Recommend: $5

Half-Life 2
It's less old than Half-Life, but it's still old.
Recommend: $5

Half-Life 2: Deathmatch
Was bad when it came out.  Now it's dead and bad.
Recommend: No

Half-Life 2: Episode One
More Half-Life 2.  If you liked that you'll like this
Recommend: $3

Half-Life 2: Episode Two
As above.
Recommend: $3

Half-Life 2: Lost Coast
Essentially a dumping ground for a map they made but couldn't fit into the story.  Does this cost money?
Recommend: No

Half-Life Deathmatch: Source
No.
Recommend: No

Half-Life: Blue Shift
The boring Half-Life expansion.  It's still fun, it's just more of the same.
Recommend: $5

Half-Life: Opposing Force
Takes Half-Life and adds new weapons.  The story is pretty interesting too.
Recommend: $5

Hitman: Codename 47
I can't in good conscience tell anyone to buy this game in 2015.  It aged horribly.
Recommend: No

Hitman 2: Silent Assassin
As did this game.
Recommend: No

Hitman: Blood Money
I've probably played this game for a total of one billion hours.  Probably the best Hitman game.
Recommend: $10

Hitman: Sniper Challenge
A neat concept.  You have to snipe your target while causing as little ruckus as possible.  Basically an Absolution demo.
Recommend: $1

HOARD
Good for a night of merryment with friends.  If you have no friends, this game is trash.
Recommend: $5

Left 4 Dead
Blame this game for the endless stream of zombie games as of late.  It's good, I guess.
Recommend: $5

Left 4 Dead 2
More of the same.  Worse characters (except Coach), better levels.
Recommend: $5

Lone Survivor: The Director's Cut
It's like Resident Evil for art majors.  Not fun, per se, but worth playing anyway.
Recommend: $3

Mass Effect 2
This game does not need any more reviews.
Recommend: $10

No Time to Explain
Hasty, buggy, ugly version of a fun flash game from the days of yore.  A real disappointment.
Recommend: No

On the Rain-Slick Precipice of Darkness
Episodes 1 and 2 are the same basic thing.  Decent RPG with lots of high quality dialog.
Recommend: $5 each

Prey
The FPS that made gamers go "whoaaaa" with its crazy effects.  Nowadays, extremely run-of-the-mill.
Recommend: $5

Prince of Persia: The Two Thrones
I loved this game as a kid.  I recently played it again and it really did not interest me at all.
Recommend: No

Prince of Persia: Warrior Within
Two Thrones with a nu metal soundtrack and slightly better everything.  Still, though.
Recommend: No

Proteus
It's art, man!
Recommend: No

Puzzle Quest
This game was hella tight when it first came out.  There are better alternatives now.
Recommend: No

Puzzle Quest 2
Speaking of better alternatives, this game is better.
Recommend: $5

Puzzle Quest: Galactrix
Tries too hard to switch things up.  Didn't I review this already?
Recommend: No

RAGE
The game that disappointed id fans through multiple generations.  I don't know why.  I liked it.
Recommend: $10

Saints Row: The Third
Another GTA clone with a parody-grade "thug lyfe" theme.  #4 is far superior.
Recommend: No

Serious Sam 3: BFE
Extremely fast-paced arena FPS with no notions of complexity of depth.
Recommend: $3

Shadowgrounds
One of the first games on Steam.  Largely mediocre.  Worth a play for cheap.
Recommend: $3

SOL: Exodus
One of a million space combat sim games that are all the same.  Left no mark on me.
Recommend: No

Solar 2
I really don't know what to think about this one.  It's not good, but it is intriguing.
Recommend: No

Spec Ops: The Line
Have you ever wanted to play Call of Duty but written by a 16 year old who thinks he's really deep and edgy?
Recommend: No

Starseed Pilgrim
Artsy indie garbage.  Could have been fun but it's way too hard and lacks direction.
Recommend: No

Team Fortress Classic
Has no reason to exist any more.
Recommend: No

Terraria
The game I liked so much I exhausted every last aspect of it.  How I envy those new to it.
Recommend: $20

Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell: Chaos Theory
Why did I buy this?  It's old, it's clunky, it's not fun.  Maybe it's just a bad port.
Recommend: No

TRAUMA
I'm so tempted to swear.  But I won't, because we're a family friendly website.
Recommend: No

Trine
Still has merits even though it has a sequel.  Arguably the better game, in fact.
Recommend: $10

Wings of Prey
Ehhh.  Another early 20th century dogfighting game.  Really not my thing.
Recommend: No

World of Goo
The first indie game to strike it rich that I'm aware of.  Very unique with a good atmosphere.
Recommend: $10

ClaDun x2
Tries too hard to be simultaneously retro and complex and just ends up being offputting.
Recommend: No

Dishonored
The gold standard for pretty much every other first person stealth game now.
Recommend: $25

Skyrim
Another one of those games that needs no introduction.
Recommend: $20

Fortune Summoners: Secret of the Elemental Stone
I find the whole "anime little girls" theme to be really gross, but somehow the game manages to be great fun regardless.
Recommend: $10

Hydrophobia: Prophecy
Super mediocre shooter with an extremely cool water mechanic.  The way water should be in all games.
Recommend: $5

Quantum Conundrum
Tries a little too hard to be Portal, but it's still a unique and enjoyable puzzle platformer.
Recommend: $15

Rocket Knight
The non-gritty reboot of the Rocket Knight Adventures/Sparkster series.  As good as the old games, easily.
Recommend: $10

Sid Meier's Civilization V
Every installation of the Civilization series improves upon the last, and this one is no exception.
Recommend: $20

Sonic Generations
Speaking as someone who literally grew up with Sonic, this is the best Sonic game I've ever played.
Recommend: $30

Space Pirates and Zombies
Its stupid name masks its fun, arcade-like gameplay with surprising depth.  Not too much depth though.
Recommend: $10

Sugar Cube: Bittersweet Factory
Gets Bittersweet Symphony stuck in my head every time I read the title.  Cute, difficult puzzle platformer.
Recommend: $10

Super House of Dead Ninjas
Extremely fast paced arcade action.  It's frantic as hell and equally challenging.
Recommend: $10

Team Fortress 2
This game defined a generation of gamers.  Not me, so much, but I still liked it.
Recommend: It's free

Torchlight II
What a lot of people think Diablo 3 should have been.  Can't say I agree.  Still, a very good ARPG.
Recommend: $10

YOU DON'T KNOW JACK
Best played with friends.  Excellent production value, largely good questions.
Recommend: $15

Ys Origin
Like all Ys games, it's kind of cheapy, very difficult, sufficiently fun.
Recommend: $5

Alpha Protocol
Could have been an incredible game.  Instead it's bland and broken.  A tale of heartbreak.
Recommend: No

Anno 2070
Really interesting RTS focused primarily on resource management over combat.
Recommend: $15

Assassin's Creed IV Black Flag
I just don't like the series.  I've tried many times but even this one didn't resonate.
Recommend: No

Banished
It's okay, I guess.  It feels less like a struggle to survive and more like climbing the tech tree while you amass food.
Recommend: $5

Batman: Arkham City
Another series I don't like even though everyone else does.  I don't know, whatever.
Recommend: No

Binary Domain
Really generic third person shooter.  I don't know what else to say.
Recommend: No

The Binding of Isaac: Rebirth
Great game all around despite its super edgy gross-out humor.
Recommend: $15

BIT.TRIP Presents... Runner2: Future Legend of Rhythm Alien
Intense music-based platformer.  Gets a bit stale after a while, but there's nothing quite like it.
Recommend: $10

Bleed
Shmup/Platformer hybrid that specializes in being very short.  Nothing incredible, but worth playing.
Recommend: $5

Borderlands 2
Like Borderlands, it's Diablo but it's a first person shooter.  Ugly-ass visuals and writing tailor made for middle schoolers.
Recommend: No

Bulletstorm
FPS doesn't get better than this.  Incredibly gory to the point of parody, extremely fun, and well written too.
Recommend: $20

Call of Juarez Gunslinger
A series plagued by garbage finally hits the mark.  Old west shootin' with a narrative theme.
Recommend: $10

Capsized
Very pretty platformer that takes place on an alien world.  Feels like it could have used another month in the polishing chamber.
Recommend: $5

Child of Light
Artsy side scrolling RPG.  A little quirky for my taste, but the combat is solid.
Recommend: $10

Command and Conquer: Red Alert 3
The satirical RTS series keeps on satirizing.  It's good enough.
Recommend: $10

Craft The World
The game nobody has heard of.  I've reviewed it already.
Recommend: $10

Creeper World 3: Arc Eternal
Good, weird RTS.  More like a tower defense than an RTS I guess?  Unique, if anything.
Recommend: $5

Crypt of the NecroDancer
One of the better rhythm games I've played.  It's a roguelike but you move to music.
Recommend: $15

DARK SOULS II
The capital letters mean it's better.  And it really is.  It really, really is.
Recommend: $20

Dark Void Zero
It's a parody of NES games, but that doesn't mean it's bad.  It just means it's very short and fairly hard.
Recommend: $5

Darksiders
Never played it.  Got it in a bundle.
Recommend: ?

Defy Gravity
Feels like it was made in about 3 hours.  Zero polish, which is a shame, because it's got potential.
Recommend: No

Delver
Minecraft meets roguelikes.  Kind of.  Nothing incredible, but it's well made.
Recommend: $5

Democracy 3
Society simulator.  You pass laws and see what happens.  Very intriguing.
Recommend: $5

Don't Starve
Guy who wishes he was Tim Burton makes an okay but not great survival game.
Recommend: $5

Drox Operative
Don't let the fact that it appears to have been created by one person in a week fool you.  It's fun!  For a bit.
Recommend: $5

Dungeon of the Endless
Could have been great, but instead it's an overly hard, difficult to control mess.
Recommend: No

Dust: An Elysian Tail
A tragically overlooked game.  Probably because of the furries.  SOTN fans must play.
Recommend: $15

E.Y.E: Divine Cybermancy
Another game I've already reviewed.
Recommend: $5

Electronic Super Joy
Rave in video game form.  Kind of dumb.  Good for those seeking hardcore platforming.
Recommend: $3

Escape Goat 2
Puzzle platforming at its finest.  Featuring a top notch soundtrack.
Recommend: $10

F.E.A.R. 2: Project Origin
and
F.E.A.R. 3
I got them both in a bundle and I really should play them one day.  I loved the first game.
Recommend: ?

Far Cry 3 Blood Dragon
Incredible.  A shining example of how games can be funny and fun at the same time.
Recommend: $20

FEZ
I hate to recommend giving Phil Fish any money but FEZ really is worth it for puzzle platformer fans.
Recommend: $10

FINAL FANTASY XIII
One of those love it or hate it games.  Me, I'm still on the fence.  Good on them for fixing the port's brokenness though.
Recommend: ?

FORCED
Diablo: the arena game.  Difficult to the point of absurdity when playing alone.  It's not meant to be played alone.
Recommend: $10

Godus
The epitome of mindless relaxing gameplay.  Still in a very early form.
Recommend: $5

Gravi
Sounds like the kind of game I'd like, but wasn't.  Something just felt off with the controls.
Recommend: No

Guardians of Middle-earth
Another bundle game I haven't played yet.
Recommend: ?

Hammerwatch
Reviewed it already.  Bad.
Recommend: No

Hell Yeah!
What happens when French people try to act like Japanese people.  Insane, fun, and colorful.
Recommend: $10

Hero Siege
Feels half finished.  The voices are so bad.  The graphics, mediocre.  The gameplay is pretty fun if overly simplistic.
Recommend: $5

Hotline Miami
It's like a liberal arts major's impression of what a video game is.  Fun for a little while, but not worth it.
Recommend: No

Injustice: Gods Among Us
Mortal Kombat but with Superheroes.  Really well done overall.
Recommend: $25

Kerbal Space Program
Owning this is a nerd badge of honor.  The pejorative "nerd", that is.  Still, very novel.
Recommend: $10

Kingdoms of Amalur: Reckoning
The game with a tragic backstory.  Made by Lee Trevino or something.  Once gain, Fable but not.
Recommend: $15

Knights of Pen and Paper +1
Every JRPG distilled.  It's a neat idea, but you can't make something like that fun for very long.
Recommend: $5

La-Mulana
Seems to be a throwback to the TurboGrafx CD.  Hard to get into due to lack of instruction.
Recommend: $5

The Lord of the Rings: War in the North
Another bundle no-play.  I'll probably go back, play, and review these.
Recommend: ?

Magic 2014
I think I reviewed this.  If not, it's Magic.  There's not a lot else you can say.
Recommend: $10

Mark of the Ninja
Very cool cartoony stealth side scroller.  There's not a whole lot like it.
Recommend: $10

Medieval II: Total War
There are better Total War games.  They're all nearly the same.
Recommend: No

METAL GEAR RISING: REVENGEANCE
One of my all time favorites.  It's over the top action incarnate.
Recommend: $30

Middle-earth: Shadow of Mordor
A free roaming game that will remain in a class of its own for a long time to come.
Recommend: $30

Overlord
Feels a lot older than 2007 somehow.  Still, there's nothing else quite like it.  Pikmin but you're evil.
Recommend: $10

Peggle Nights
MORE PEGGLE
Recommend: $10

Penny Arcade's On the Rain-Slick Precipice of Darkness 3
I forgot I had this.  I'm installing it now.  Will report back.
Recommend: ?

Pixel Piracy
A very weird take on being a pirate.  You can build your own ship out of blocks and explore the seas.
Recommend: $5

Planet Explorers
Still in alpha.  If done right it could be a Minecraft killer.  Probably won't be.
Recommend: $15

Planetary Annihilation
Total Annihilation but boring.  Tries to be too large-scale for its own good.
Recommend: No

Rayman Legends
Rayman Origins but more.  Same engine, same graphics, way more content.
Recommend: $20

Renegage Ops
Good old fashioned "turn your brain off and blow things up" twin stick shooter.
Recommend: $15

Resident Evil 6
The black sheep of the family.  Doesn't deserve the scorn.  Really a solid game overall.
Recommend: $20

Reus
Mix between puzzle game and city builder.  Unique, but a bit shallow.
Recommend: $5

Risk of Rain
Astouding depth in a simple shell.  Think Binding of Isaac but side scrolling.
Recommend: $15

Rogue Legacy
Pretty much Binding of Isaac but side scrolling again, only much more action oriented.
Recommend: $15

Rome: Total War
The highest rated Total War game despite being 11 years old.  Who can topple the champ?
Recommend: $10

Runers
Another one of those budget indie games with some cool ideas.  Hopefully we'll see a sequel with more polish.
Recommend: $5

S.T.A.L.K.E.R (and expansions)
What an annoying name to type.  Still, you're not gonna find anything quite like it.  Borderlands but gritty.
Recommend: $10 base game, $5 expansions

Saints Row IV
The game that, in my opinion, vindicated the series.  The entire game is just ridiculous.
Recommend: $20

Scribblenauts Unlimited
One of the most impressive games I've ever played.  The sheer number of things you can create is really astounding.
Recommend: $20

SEGA Genesis & Mega Drive Classics
You can't even buy this any more, so it doesn't really matter what I say.
Recommend: N/A

Shadow Warrior Classic Redux
Shadow Warrior with a new sheen.  Nothing new here, but it's not bad.
Recommend: $5

Shantae: Risky's Revenge
Shantae.  The series that just can't get off the ground.  I'm not sure why, because every game has been outstanding, this one included.
Recommend: $15

Shovel Knight
If whatever I said is the gold standard of whatever genre it is, Shovel Knight is the that game of 8-bit retro platformers.
Recommend: $15

Skyward Collapse
Reviewed.  Don't know if it's worth money, really.
Recommend: No

Snapshot
Another game of squandered potential.  Boils down to a fairly mediocre puzzle platformer.
Recommend: No

Sonic & All-Stars Racing Transformed
It's the dumbest concept in the world, but Sonic in a car really does work.  Mario Kart meets F-Zero.
Recommend: $20

South Park: The Stick of Truth
I don't really like South Park.  I do really like this game.  Ridiculously polished.
Recommend: $20

Space Rangers HD: A War Apart
Remember when I said you should buy Space Rangers 2?  Forget that.  This is the version you want.
Recommend: $15

Spelunky
Brutal roguelike platforming done right.  And first, as far as I know.
Recommend: $10

Squishy the Suicidal Pig
I was hoping this would be like Karoshi: Suicide Salaryman.  Instead it's just bad.
Recommend: No

Starbound
If they'd ever finish the goddamn thing I'd say go for it.  As it exists right now, it's still good, but lacks crucial features.
Recommend: $15

Starpoint Gemini
Budget space combat game.  You can do better.
Recommend: No

Starvoid
Got it in a bundle.  Never installed it because everyone hates it.
Recommend: ?

Strider
Very strange.  It's good, but it feels like an anachronism.  Give it a shot if you liked the arcade games.
Recommend: $10

Super Puzzle Platformer Deluxe
A little too simple for my tastes.  Weird mixture of falling block puzzle and platformer.  Could have been better.
Recommend: No

Super Time Force Ultra
Incredibly unique run and gun platformer where you control time.  Great dialog, loads o' fun.
Recommend: $20

Teleglitch: Die More Edition
So ugly it makes my eyes hurt, but it's fun nonetheless.  The crafting system makes it.
Recommend: $5

Thief
I don't know why everyone hated it.  You steal things and hide.  It's Thief.
Recommend: $20

Thomas Was Alone
Vomit-inducingly pretentious arthouse fluff.
Recommend: No

Tomb Raider
Another reboot nobody liked but me.  I thought it did almost everything right.
Recommend: $25

Tower of Guns
Conversely, this game did almost everything wrong.  Great formula marred by terrible design.
Recommend: No

TrackMania2 Stadium
Feels very unfinished to the point where I thought something was wrong.  The racing itself is crazy smooth and satisfying, though.
Recommend: $5

Transistor
Like Bastion only full of itself.  Took the formula and drove it into the ground.  The gameplay makes up for it.
Recommend: $15

Trine 2
More Trine.  The graphics are even prettier this time around.
Recommend: $15

Tropico 4
Fun and funny city builder.  The dictator aspect is much more than a gimmick, as is the South American theme.
Recommend: $15.

The Typing of The Dead: Overkill
I get what they were going for, but the unnecessary swearing and crude humor were distracting at best.
Recommend: No

Unepic
RPG platformer where you play as some nobody, hence the name.  Cool idea, but it could have used some more polish.
Recommend: $10

Unmechanical
Notable as one of the few 2d physics puzzle games out there.  Far too short.
Recommend: $5

Valdis Story: Abyssal City
SOTN, simplified.  The world needs more games like this.  Also, I think I've reviewed it already.
Recommend: $10

Velocity Ultra
A great idea hampered by the fact that it's basically impossible to control with today's primitive devices.  Maybe some day.
Recommend: No

Volgarr the Viking
Takes the "difficult = fun" concept and beats you to death with it.  Just annoying.
Recommend: No

Watch_Dogs
Oh what this game could have been.  What we ended up with was bad GTA V.  Very sad.
Recommend: No

Worms Revolution
Do you like Worms?  Because it's more Worms.  The only new mechanic is the water and it might as well not exist.
Recommend: $10

Ziggurat
Like Delver, only much more intense.  Much harder than Binding of Isaac or Risk of Rain.
Recommend: $5

And there you have it.  All my Steam games.  God, there are so many.  I'm honestly a bit embarassed.  But some good came out of it in the form of this fantastic list.  I might update this as I buy more games in the future.  Or I might not post for another eight months.  Who knows what tomorrow will bring?