Fuzzy's World Of Miniature Space Golf

 

As of maybe an hour ago, I had never heard of this game. As a bit of background, this game was chosen essentially at complete random (I told Sly Ghost to give me a number between 1 and 1307 or something and then picked the game that matched that number off a list). As such, I really had nothing to go on beyond a few screenshots, which signaled to me that this was some sort of simple mini-golf game. I like mini-golf games, and golf games in general tend to be the sports games I like best, so I figured this might be a fun little diversion that I return to now and again when I'm bored and need to kill ten minutes or so.

On a superficial level, the "Fuzzy's World of Miniature Space Golf" resembles any number of typical isometric mini golf games that you could find on Flash sites ten years go. However there are a few things about it that make it a bit more brutally unforgiving than the cutesy sci-fi theme would have you believe.

NOW THAT'S WHAT I CALL A MOOOOOON SHOT

Starting up, you have some basic options like 1-4 player hotseat multiplayer and the choice of a 6-, 9-, or 18-hole game. There are a few different 6- and 9-hole selections that at first glance seem to suggest different courses, but they're really all just different configurations of selections from the full 18-hole course, which I guess is why the holes are named rather than numbered.

Taking a shot is not unlike the aforementioned Flash mini-golf games,where you simply click on the ball, draw back to your desired shot strength, and release the mouse button to let fly. There maximum distance you can pull back from the ball is fairly short, which is good because you don't feel like you're totally screwed if your ball is too close to one of the screen edges and you need to whack a power drive. Unfortunately, this means it's hard to gradate your shots, and in my experience it's pretty hard to do finesse shots. A pixel too short and the ball moves halfway toward the hole. A pixel too far and its now ricocheted all the way back to the tee.

The difficulty of making precise shots is compounded by a few more issues. Take a look at the screenshot below.

Uh...

From a top-down perspective, this section of this hole would look like a rectangle. "Fuzzy's" tilts the holes at some weird-ass 3/4 angle or something that really throws off your ability to judge exactly what direction you should be hitting the ball to make it go toward the hole. Add this to the fact that your ball will bounce off of walls like it's made of Superball material seemingly at random and you've got a game that requires some quality time if you want to grind through its idiosyncrasies.

That's not even to mention the aptly named "Goofball Gravity," which is a hole that just has several random centers of gravity, meaning that none of the slopes necessarily affect your ball in the way you'd expect and getting to the end of the hole is more or less a crapshoot. I shouldn't have to mention why having a hole where the laws of physics are flung out the window is a bad idea in a game entirely based on rolling-ball physics.

Welcome to Hell.

Now in a typical golf game, if you take too many shots, you'll get a bad score and lose the tournament or whatever. "Fuzzy's" doesn't pull that kind of gentleman's game crap. If you go over par at any point, the starter immediately yanks you off the course and launches you into the sun, by which I mean the screen fades to black and you're presented with a lame "Game Over" screen. This happens in multiplayer, too, so if you plan on playing with friends, make sure you're all expert FWOMSG players or the loser's going to be spending a lot of time spectating.

Now this might seem a little bit harsh, and that's because it is. Rather than give you a standard "-3" or whatever for your score you have a counter that shows how many strokes you have left before snipers take you out for slowing down the foursome behind you. If you manage to beat an hole with shots left over, those shots are added to the amount of shots you're allowed to take on the next hole, so it really pays to be absolutely perfect on the first few single-screen holes before you're raked over the coals of a horrifying par nine.

This hole looks cooler than it is, but it's still okay.

There are some positive qualities, of course. The graphics are bright and colorful 256-color VGA and the holes have some cool themes and animations, particularly when you get to the multi-segmented ones. The music is fairly standard bouncy, high-energy MIDIs that kind of inhabit the same sonic space as the music in "Lemmings." It's catchy and fun, but at the same time it makes you want to die. Wait, that's too strong.

"Fuzzy's World Of Miniature Space Golf" tricks you into thinking it's a breezy, pick-up-and-play type of game because at its core, it is. However a series of annoying nags about the physics engine and the disorienting isometric angle, coupled with the game being brutally unforgiving, result in an experience that's more frustrating than anything else.